You've changed so much. I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you. Is your life is different because of me? Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens.

I admit it hurts, who ever said the truth was an easy blow? Your silence is breaking me down. Say something, just this once. Suspense keeps building up. I need the truth, I need it now. Don’t confuse me with your indecisive thoughts. Don’t pull me down without explaining why. I can’t keep walking if you don’t know the path. I’m sick of this silence, of these words left unspoken. Restraining myself from my impulsive actions, I tell myself you have no fault in this. You think I don’t understand? I know we don’t have control over the heart, we can’t choose who to love. But please don’t do this to me. Why give me hope if it’s all in vain? It’s the fear of moving on without you that keeps me hanging on. Can you feel it now, this tangible distance between us? It’s killing me inside.

It's always easier to plan ahead than it is to look back, and I guess that's why I never realized that love is a feeling, not a choice. The real decision-making always came after you had even realized what had happened - when you discover that you had entrenched yourself so deep into someone's life that the only options were to push ahead or fall apart.

We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, because we desperately do not want to be alone. We want to know we aren’t going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how you’re feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can’t. We love everything tied up neatly, easy, simple, and when we can’t do that, it scares the hell out of us. To not know the next step, or where you’re headed, kills. Being unsure isn’t in our plans. But its those moments, the ones where you risk it and step unknowingly into the future that assures us life is larger than we’ll ever know.

Beautiful things come out of horrible situations. I know for a fact. Out of sadness you get a new found wisdom on how the world can look with a haze of gray clouds, how people can be senseless, how you can see the whole universe in a whole new way. And that may be hard to handle, hard to cope, hard to accept, but it is so damn beautiful if you really take the chance to realize. Out of anger, you can feel your heart beat race, with every beat it is shaking your whole being and not only the heavy steps you take. It is when you, your whole self and some power is telling you that you are alive. And that is amazing in every angle. Out of anything there is something in there that makes it incredible. Something that makes it shine. Whatever you feel is potent and it is such a blessing to be able to feel what you feel. You just have to think about it.

I've learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There's nothing I can do to change that. I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won't care. I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

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