ps. clothes swap anyone? :) i'm totally up for it, i have a heap of useless shit i never wear :L lemme know!!

Ever felt like you're not good enough?
all the time

Has anyone upset you in the last week?
mm

Do you miss anyone?
meh. yeah but i'll survive

Do you think two people can last forever?
if they love each other enough

Does it make you uncomfortable when you receive a compliment?
sometimes

Is there one person you look at and automatically smile?
yes xD

When was the last time you were unhappy with your life?
.....like today. everyday :L

Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever?
fuck no

Is there a time you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
yeah

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot?
yep

Are you cheating on someone right now?
no?

Anyone of the opposite sex been on your mind lately?
all the fucking time --"

When is the next time you'll hug someone?
tomorrow. i hope xD

Are you nice to everyone?
i try to be

Have you ever slept in the same bed as your friends?
yeahh

Who is someone you wish you could fix things with?
mm not sure if i want to 'fix things'. i just want a clean break. i wish it ended differently

Is there anything in your past that you'd like to try again?
yeah

Did your parents spoil you as a child?
no :L

What do you feel weird without?
you

Do you brush your hair with a comb or a brush?
with my fingerss

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
like 6

Do you like funny people or serious people?
funnyy

What are you listening to?
because - jessica mauboy

Are you wearing any make up right now?
psh do i ever :L

What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
slap them in the face then kick them in the balls and then walk away xD

Do you sing obnoxiously in the car?
sometimes

What is your biggest regret?
meeting you. boom boom

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
umm. maccas? :L

Have you ever cried from being so mad?
yeah a lot of times

Do you have trust issues?
meh

Expecting something to change in the next month?
fucking hope so

What is the most difficult thing you've ever had to overcome?
still trying to overcome itt

Are you an argumentative person?
idk am i? lols

Have you talked about marriage with another person?
yeah, but not like, marriage WITH another person, just talking with another person about our weddings and shit xD

Could you ever be friends with someone who hurt you badly?
probably

Do you believe exes can be friends?
not really.. if you can u probably never liked them, or still do? idk.

You've changed so much. I guess that's what happens. I wish you knew how much you changed me. I wonder if I changed you. Is your life is different because of me? Because mine's different. My God, you taught me so much, and now we don't even talk to each other. I guess that's what happens.

I admit it hurts, who ever said the truth was an easy blow? Your silence is breaking me down. Say something, just this once. Suspense keeps building up. I need the truth, I need it now. Don’t confuse me with your indecisive thoughts. Don’t pull me down without explaining why. I can’t keep walking if you don’t know the path. I’m sick of this silence, of these words left unspoken. Restraining myself from my impulsive actions, I tell myself you have no fault in this. You think I don’t understand? I know we don’t have control over the heart, we can’t choose who to love. But please don’t do this to me. Why give me hope if it’s all in vain? It’s the fear of moving on without you that keeps me hanging on. Can you feel it now, this tangible distance between us? It’s killing me inside.

It's always easier to plan ahead than it is to look back, and I guess that's why I never realized that love is a feeling, not a choice. The real decision-making always came after you had even realized what had happened - when you discover that you had entrenched yourself so deep into someone's life that the only options were to push ahead or fall apart.

We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, because we desperately do not want to be alone. We want to know we aren’t going crazy and someone else out there knows exactly how you’re feeling. We want someone to explain the things we can’t. We love everything tied up neatly, easy, simple, and when we can’t do that, it scares the hell out of us. To not know the next step, or where you’re headed, kills. Being unsure isn’t in our plans. But its those moments, the ones where you risk it and step unknowingly into the future that assures us life is larger than we’ll ever know.

Beautiful things come out of horrible situations. I know for a fact. Out of sadness you get a new found wisdom on how the world can look with a haze of gray clouds, how people can be senseless, how you can see the whole universe in a whole new way. And that may be hard to handle, hard to cope, hard to accept, but it is so damn beautiful if you really take the chance to realize. Out of anger, you can feel your heart beat race, with every beat it is shaking your whole being and not only the heavy steps you take. It is when you, your whole self and some power is telling you that you are alive. And that is amazing in every angle. Out of anything there is something in there that makes it incredible. Something that makes it shine. Whatever you feel is potent and it is such a blessing to be able to feel what you feel. You just have to think about it.

I've learned this past year. I've changed, I've grown. Maybe things do happen for a reason, maybe they don't. But no matter what, they still happen. That's what we need to remember. I learned to stop analyzing things, to just let them happen. And if I get hurt, or if something bad happens, then it happens. There's nothing I can do to change that. I've learned to go with my gut, and that it's okay to make mistakes because the ones that matter won't care. I've learned that love really is as great as they say it is. I've learned that your friends can save you from your worst enemy: yourself. And most importantly, I've learned that today is all we have.

Labels: in here

yesterday:















today:














:O
and no lol, i'm not emo. its no self-inflicted wound or anything. well.. it was self-inflicted but it was an accident. damn fries basket -sniffles-
-------------

anywho. yeah I know I said hiatus but I needa just get all this off my chest so I can just.. move on, keep living my life, start fresh, whatever lame cliches lol. sorry in advance for all the profanities
--

You hurt me. You may not know it, and you sure as hell won't care but you did. You did, you do, and you continue to. But you know what? I'm not gonna keep letting you destroy my life. I won't let it eat away at me until I'm completely gone. Because I don't deserve that. And you don't deserve the satisfaction of knowing that I fucken fell hard for you, when you didn't even cushion the fall; didn't even bother trying to make it better.

So what exactly did you think you would accomplish in not telling me? Think you were protecting me? Think that I wouldnt've wanted to know? Do you think that I'm so stupid that I wouldn't have ever found out at all? Well you don't know me at all do you. I'm not fucking stupid. Well maybe I was. WAS. I was stupid in thinking so high of you, when really you're .<-THIS big. Yeah, you're THAT big to me, that's how much RESPECT I have left of you, that's how much is left of EVERYTHING. Every single little fucking thing. It would've been so much better hearing it from you, but you know you're THATT much of a fucken selfish coward that a friend had to tell me. Yeah they knew all along, but you know what they said to me? They said they didn't tell me because they thought it'd be better if you told me yourself but you never did. HA. You fucking COWARD.

Yes I'm angry okay? Because you pretty much lied. You're too much of an IDIOT to think that maybe I wanted to know. And maybe I wanted to hear it from you. You don't have any respect for me at all do you? Sure it would've hurt. I would've been sad, cried, did other shit like that but then you know I would've GOTTEN OVER IT. I would've thought, 'Hey, he cared enough to tell me, so now it's time for me to just move on. And keep him in my life' But now, now all I think is that you never cared AT ALL enough to know that I would've wanted the truth. Because you never told me YOURSELF all I can think of are a string of profanities directed to no other but you. Haha look what you've done, you asshole.

And you know what, yeah. Yeah it's my fault anyway. It's my fault for ever caring. Mine for ever thinking that you did. Yeah, it's my fault for liking you but you know YOU'RE NOT FUCKING INNOCENT IN THIS, OKAY? It's as much YOUR fault as it is MINE. No matter how contradictory this whole fucken paragraph sounds, yeah it's your fault. And it's my fault. It's our fucking fault and I'm fucking sorry for ever bothering to care okay? I'm sorry I ever believed that you were actually a nice guy, that you actually cared about me. Sorry I had so much more faith in you than I should have had.

Because you took that, you took it and you threw it all down and walked away and didn't ever stop to look back at the MESS that you created. The mess that YOU put me in and the fucking wreck that YOU MADE OF ME. You completely destroyed me, and then you turned around and left.

All those promises, all the things you said, all the lies you fed to me. It just makes me SICK to think I ever believed you. That you'd actually be there, that you actually cared. Haha well you're not here now are you. It's fine though. I don't need you, alright? I want you to know that. I want you to know that you walked out of my life yet again, and I won't let you come back this time. It's not fair on myself and it only feeds your already gi-fucking-gantic ego.

So I'm finally walking away from the nothing that's left of us. I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. EVER. I just want you to know that. And if ever you decide to come waltzing back into my life thinking everything's okay with me, be careful. Be fucking careful, and choose your words wisely. Because if you say the wrong thing, if you hurt me ONE MORE MOTHERFUCKING TIME then you just might be faced with a black eye and a kick in the balls. Not that you have any anyway, am I right? ha.

You've shown to me that you can live without me. I can see that you don't need me because you're so happy without me. So if it's the last thing I do I will prove to you that I can live without you. I will prove to MYSELF that I don't need you anymore, I will be a better person without you.

Goodbye, and good riddance.





so happy one fucking month, you dickhead. don't fucking hurt her. or this whole fucken thing would have been for nothing you hear me?