LOL. its true xD. its like ...LOL. as you can see:


















desk areaaaa + under desk. ahaha so damn messy :')
























clothes-drawer area no.1
























clothes area no. 2. LOL its a bookshelf with books on 1 row hahah.




















clothes area no 3. this and



















that. LOL surprisingly, inside my drawers (where no-one can see ._.) are quite tidy :L
























hangy-uppy wardrobe. it only LOOKS neat. coz its like one of those wardrobes with the slidey-mirror thingy. and mines like stuck so it wont move and i cant open it :L. believe me its chaotic in there LOL.



















the view from outside :). its not much of a view actually :L




















my bed. which i never make btw (H). ahaha and yes, i do sleep with my stuffed animals tyvm! :P they look all dispositioned and funny there LOL

hmm. i wonder if there is such a thing as being completely-perfectly happy, and kept together. Because everytime i think i have one part of my life down-pat, another part of it just gets soo messed up. And i'm trying really hard to stay happy. Pull myself together. You know, juggle friends, family, school. Just like any normal person can. But its like it just doesn't work for me? I just can't do it, if you get what i mean? And it sucks. Cost me way too many tears, this week alone. Gah.

hello :) haha i'm so bored. today i did absolutely nothing, and it was aaaawesome 8) LOL. ahhh i love this xD not doing anything important i mean (H) haha. thank god exams are overr.

a few weeks ago i was in full-exam-cram mode. on the holidays i either lived on the couch (LOL tv xD) or .. @ my deskkk studying like the nerd that i am not :O haha :L


















ROFL yeah see the boo roosters sign thing? :D got it when me amy & otherrs went roosters vs eels like yonks ago :L. and yes yess, i was studying 'trees on farm' for ag T_T stupid ag LOL.



















my study schedule. gosh i'm so gay LOL. ahaha as you can see on the schedule; it's time for me to be CELEBRATE-ING . LOL. ahaha i spelt roflol wrong on it :L

and yeahhhh. i really hope i get alright marks for yearlies =/ i wanna do good in maths (needa catch up, i'm soo below average atm sigh), science and ag. and i really don't particularly care about music, geo or pe LOL.

clothingggg updatess xD from like, a few weeks ago to today ish :)























from ally :) my mummy bought it for me. she knows me too well 8) haha
























haha from ally aswell. i love ally (L) :D
























woooooott. off-the-shoulder-type Lee dress ^^ on sale too :D. haha i put the belt in the pic cause like without it it just looks like a sack :L i love the bright patterns and stuff on it 8)























high-waisted insight yellow shorts :D guess what.. on sale too!! ahaha god i'm cheap :') 30 buckeroonies (H). and yellow IS my favourite colour, too ^^























from ze sister, rofl :) from cotton-on. off-the-shoulder type tooo xD























cotton-on too :L

------
omg The Show - Lenka ; so damn catchyyyy. love ittt (L) haha
bye!

Labels: bored, buys, study

LOL ahahaha yayyyy yearlies are overrrrr!! :) time to do what i do best; absolutely nothing (other than being cool) ahaha (H) so happy! xD LOL even though well.. i feel like i screwed up most exams :L ahaha ohhhh well at least its over now :P well i'm gonna go through all the exams, just cause xD

HISTORY/GEO- i got the first question wrong for history..LOL. and my geo extended response was so bs LOL i was just talking about asians and sweet & sour pork D:
PE- LOL pe was alright yeah? the pictures were hilarious haha. i like read/looked at them all :P distraction much? stupid pe teachers, i bet they put it in on purpose -glares- haha. oh and i dont think i got that condom-putting-on question right =/ LOL.
MATHS- hmm... maths was okay too yeah? except for that father-son age crap ._. i got father: 30, son: 5, but i had like nfi what the stupid equation was.. like.. WHO CARES HOW YOU FIGURED IT OUT AS LONG AS YOU GOT THE ANSWER! ..LOL. oh and also i could like see a.b's multiple choice answers LOL. but i didn't trust them, so i checked/did them myself :).
SCIENCE- science...eeeew.. >_> LOL i think i faaaailed science. for that fossil question i wrote "fossil" ._. who knew it was "index fossil". damn. D:
MINOR; MUSIC- LOL haha music. lol..okay.. HONESTLY; i think i failed. LOL i just gave up checking everything and ended up writing on richard's nametag sticker thing cause i was in his spot :) haha damn it i hate music T_T..theory. the prac's awesome :) STOLENNN! (8)
ANGRYCULTURE- haha i suppose..for aggggg.. it was okay? :S yeah for some reason i'm not like stressing over absolutely failing ag or anything D: apart from the tractor-implement parts everything else was ok? :S oh except for the oat crop calendar too --" the one mccord gave our class is like different to the ones other classes got. ughh man if i got that question wrong i'm complaining to mccord T_T.
MAJOR; PASS- LOL haha it was funny. the first question about feedback and the one with "steve nguyen primary school" LOL it was hilarious xD i was lol-ing through it all :L. and for the last extended response i think i got it wrong. i put feedback & practice when like its meant to be like grass-roots sports like little athletics & shit. there goes 10 marks --"
ENGLISH- hmmm. i hope i got ok for english :S. man i spent like nearly an hour on the essay; and then for the blocking diagram/interview questions i just full bs'ed it haha. oh well LOL i hope i at least get good for the essay part. after it finished everyone like started peeling off their name stickers :). hahah annie had "thi bich tran" and to her it was like "the bitch tran" LOLLL.

overall, apart from music, science and maybe history/geo LOL i'm hoping i get alright marks =/ -crosses fingers- wish me luck! hahah ohhh yeah and for the non-cal exam too; in which i'm planning to wing it :P so wish me extra luck haha :L

byee.
ohhhhh and ps. i blogged my firstest postttt on xanga; check it out if ur cool LOL. idk but i think you have to have an acc. to comment..hmm not sure. oh wells still, 'ave a look :D

http://xanga.com/mypaperairoplane
http://xanga.com/mypaperairoplane
http://xanga.com/mypaperairoplane
http://xanga.com/mypaperairoplane

ahaha spam LOL. ok bye for real now :D

Labels: parrrtaayyye, study

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't wanna talk to anybody? You don't wanna smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just Because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. Wait for it to pass.

fck. yeah so, do you ever just ...feel like soo shitty and you don't really know whats up but you know that something is? like, an off-day i suppose..? yeah, felt like that today .. really bad too >_>. i don't know why though. it was pretty sudden but like idk, just felt like crap. don't know why, maybe its just everything..? meh. suppose i should've expected this cause i've been so happy lately.. guess i should know by now that maybe not for everyone, but for me really high highs mean mega-lows later on..

gahhhhhh. stupid distraction; you triggered it! ..sorta i think TT" zomg, what am i thinking... this is too wierd. can't handle all this crap right now. plus exams? ughh. guess all this wierd shit will have to wait til after yearlies. just hope i don't have any more off-days next week, or a mental breakdown or something ._.

haha and ty brendan, justin, ann, jeff, & javery; you people are hilarious lol :) <3

ok blogging again after exams finish. so week 3 k? lol and it will be my 69th post ahaha. people have so many posts compared to me D:

tata for now xx

Labels: miscellaneous, study

"sometimes, it's easier to pretend you don't care than to admit that it's killing you."

Isn't it amazing how you can keep so much bottled up inside, and you can walk around and nobody has any idea. its gone on way too long. all year its been like this. at first i didn't really care, it was some little thing i knew i would get over soon. then, as time went on seeing you was great, but then seeing the two of you wasn't great - it was horrible. stupidly, i would cry. cry cry cry. it's only now i realise that tears do nothing. sure, at the time it feels good, just letting it all out. but when its over, all you're left with are puffy eyes and a heavy heart. it was then that i realised that it was time to just let it go, leave it alone, walk away. but, with absolutely no idea why, i couldn't. i just couldn't. and thattt, is what hurts the most. knowing that i should just freakin get over it, thinking that i am over it then, seeing you; just a glance of you and all the feelings just start flooding back. damn, i really thought i had it this time.

eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good and starts to hurt. they say if you don't kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. but how do you know when you're there? because no matter how badly something hurts us, sometimes, letting go hurts even more.

& so the cycle goes on. 2 weeks without seeing you, without thinking about you and without (kinda) talking to you. its like you don't exist. its like for those 14 days i am back to my normal self, i've forgotten about you. then school starts again. baaammmmm. here we go again.

dreams are always crushing when they don't come true. it's the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. it's like you're always close enough to touch but never close enough to hold. and it's enough to break your heart. Sometimes all you can do is not think about it. not think about anything. not wonder, not obsess. not imagine, just breathe. breathe in, breathe out. everything works out in the end, and the more you worry about it the longer it's going to take for things to end perfectly.

so what's worse than getting upset everytime you see that someone special with someone else? for me, it's NOT getting upset seeing them together. it's not caring at all, when you know she's all he wants. it's when you don't mind seeing them together, as long as you get to see him. it's that hope that when they walk by maybe he sees you when obviously all he sees is her. that, is worse.

i hate holding onto you, and crying because i know eventually i'm going to have to let you go. i hate feeling this way. i hate being so helpless over this situation. i hate that you cant just give me your heart and trust that i wont break it, but most of all i hate that i gave you mine, knowing you couldn't love me back..

"And it's hard to watch things change when all you want for them is to stay the same. It's funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go but you keep holding on and when you want to move on but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it but if it didn't really matter you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it."

i really really love this. i found it on my comp and i know i've already posted this before but its just so .. yeahh.

along the way, i’ve learned that you can't let anyone in too far and you can't trust endlessly. the biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you're broken, you'll never be fully fixed.

people say holding on is the best way to run away from the reality. and i agree. but you can only run away for so long. after a while it gets ..simply, unbearable. after a while you wonder why it is you've held on for so long when it's been tearing you apart. you can only pretend for so long. so i guess its time to face reality. time to stop holding on and finally ... Let go.

Labels: miscellaneous, stuff

chicks over dicks, bitch. pft.



"Could you imagine a life without guys?
No crime and a lot of happy fat women."
ahaha so true (Y) lol

---

Life is the ability to feel so happy, you think your insides are going to explode. it’s being so upset or disappointed, you feel as if your stomach just dropped ten feet out of place. it’s running so hard, you can barely breathe. it’s that feeling of panic when you know you’ve been caught doing something wrong. it’s having that sudden rush before you kiss someone you care about. it’s opening your eyes and feeling them sting because you spent the whole night crying. it’s letting people go, but letting new ones come in and all the while, realizing that life doesn’t have a purpose unless you let it

It's funny how you spend your whole life not knowing someone and as soon as you meet them you can't get them out of your head. And every little thing reminds you of them. Just one guy makes your world completely different and all you want to do is go back to when you didn't know him at all.

I believe the most difficult situation you can ever be faced with is deciding whether you should
just move on or hold on a little tighter. Move on and maybe you'll lose a chance at the best thing that could have ever happened, or hold on, and have the possibility of one day being the biggest disaster ever created.




I've been running around for the past year with absolutely no direction. I didn't know what I wanted. All I knew was that you were always there, always in my head. It's weird, yknow? the end of something that has taken so much time to get over is coming and you're so relieved that it's finally here but you still, for some reason want to hold on. Just for one more second.. just so it can hurt a little more.. After all, this problem has been your life for so long you're not sure if you'll be used to being free.

I won’t miss you. I won’t think about you. How can I miss you when you don’t even miss me? I give up. Stop making me feel this way; I don’t want to like you anymore. Leave me alone. I’m giving up on you because I know I will always be alone, I will never have you; you will never be mine. So just please stop doing whatever you do because it’s really taking a toll on me. So I’m giving up. You never know what happens tomorrow. buhbye.

im shutting my doors and putting my walls back up. im closing my curtains & removing the welcome mat. im blocking everything out again. because it's soo much easier than feeling something.

I'm fine. I mean, not that I'm over it just yet, but little by little it's getting easier to pretend it's easier, which means easier might be right around the corner.

I wish i was a little kid again. I want someone to take care of me. I want someone to clean up my messes and remind me what's right from wrong. I wanna be awwed at, even if what i'm doing isn't that cute. I want to be yelled at before i make the same mistakes again and i want to be held in someone else's arms while i cry my heart out.

------
and on a lighter note,
saw this on msn yesterday. and i rofled literally LOL. couldnt help but print screen it :P damn that is funnyyyy hahahaha:

click to zoom. i think you can do that? :S
anyways byee

Labels: stuff