i'm so boredddddddd. no school today :( sighh i was gonna go but then i thought i should rest and get better for country fair so yeahh :L anywayss.. sorry michelle :P gotta post ;

man i got so. damn. angry on wednesday. ughhhhhh!
like asljkadjlksdfncxfds seriously, what a piss off. freaking selfish bitch --"
oh, and sorry for slamming the door in english 9O :L
-------------

1/ You put on a good show but I'd be willing to bet
that you're suffering more than you let anyone see.
- edward cullen | twilight

2/ we don't talk anymore and i can't understand why
it's like you gave me wings, then told me it's illegal to fly

3/ and i know it sounds confusing,
but at that moment, i just wanted
to walk out of the room i was in,
sit down in the middle of the hall
way, and cry, just cry.
-- but i made it all the way to the toilets :L

4/ i'd like to wish all my troubles away,
but nothing besides troubles come easy.

5/ kept on hoping we could find a way to make it real.
i tell myself it's getting better when it never will.
it's so hard to tell you so, but i'm letting go.

6/ something good always comes out of something bad
and when you're down you can only go up.
you can't always control everything
and it's only going to happen if it was meant to.

7/ He's just a boy who doesn't know what's in front of him,
and she's just a girl who never learned how to let go.

8/ You're my friend, and I still find myself falling for you.
Of course you'll never know, but just promise me
that we'll be friends for a long time.
'Cause right now, I can't see myself living without you.

9/ the hardest thing in the
world is listening to the
guy you love talking about
the girl you wanna be.

10/ Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime.

11/ i don't want to feel empty inside anymore.

12/ Almost everyone you know, without exception,
has their heart all wrapped around someone
who will never love them back.

13/ My theory is that maybe,
if I keep my distance,
you'll start to miss me.
But so far, we're just
growing farther apart.

14/ I hate how we never hang out anymore
and how we were great friends.
I hate how you'll never talk to me,
but then you'll talk heaps with my best friends.
I hate how whenever I see you, you don't see me.
I hate when I have something to say online,
your only response is, "Cool."
And boy, do I hate it when you make me smile.

15/ It's the worst feeling in the world to love and hate someone all at the same time. And it's hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It's funny but stupid how you want everything and nothing at the same time. It's crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on. And when you want to move on, but you're stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go and you can't decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don't know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther and farther away. It's so hard to think back to how things used to be and look at it now and realize that things are different and they may never be the same. You tell yourself it's not worth it, but if it really didn't matter, you wouldn't spend so much time thinking about it.

16/ True friends is; you cry, i cry.
You fight, i fight. You jump off a bridge...
i get a paddleboat and save your stupid ass. (:

17/ sometimes you gotta try
your hardest not to care no
matter how much you really do.

18/ always hold your head up high, even if
on the inside you'e about to cry. pretend
that nothing's wrong at all. close your eyes
before you fall. if you can't see it, it's not there.

19/ so we fall for stupid boys
we make lots of dumb mistakes
we like to act stupid,
talk really fast, & laugh really loud
but us teenage girls,
we're really good at one thing :
staying strong.

20/ take me to an empty field;
let me scream it all out,
and then maybe it will all go away.

21/ The only thing worse than a break down,
is a public breakdown.
When everyone witnesses your lowest moments

22/ sometimes the smallest things are the hardest
things to do. like clicking on his screename and
just saying "hey."

i really don't know what i'm supposed to do. =/ any suggestions? someone? anyone? :(

Labels: miscellaneous, quotes, stuff

haha that cop/police lady said that @ the crime prevention thingo :L it really got to me for some reason.. and so yeahh.

HAHAH look at this;


LOL.


you know.. i have this cut on my knuckle. this teeny tiny little scratch that hurts like hell. its amazing sometimes, just how much hurt something so seemingly small and minuscule can cause. haha what a metaphor.

hmm. i sometimes wonder what it'd be like if i just didnt care at all about you. but i know thats not gonna happen. well not just yet. maybe i'll stop caring sometime soon, maybe never. who knows..

I'm giving you my best, so why does she get the best of you?

anyways here we go.

six.
The saddest part isn't that with each passing day I feel like i need you more,
but it's the fact that you don't need me at all.

five.
I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me.
It was pathetic.
More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.
(ahh, twilight is gold)

four.
you're the closest thing i have
to bring up in a conversation about love that didn't last.
but i could never call you mine,
because i could never call myself yours.
it's not that our love died, it just never really bloomed.
no, i can't let go of you.
you're holding me back without even trying to.
i can't let go, i can't move on from the past.
without lifting a finger, you're holding me back.
no, we didn't die, we just never had a chance to grow.
it might not make much sense to you or any of my friends,
but somehow you still affect the things i do.
you can't lose what you never had.

three.
no smile is as beautiful as the one
that struggles through tears.

two.
Maybe sometimes it's good thing to stumble,
because there's a better way to stand.
Maybe we need to cry sometimes,
because laughter can't hide the worst.
And maybe that's why we get hurt,
for us to pass on the lesson
and teach someone else.

- http://www.xanga.com/dreammuch_quotes
and you know, the thing is…
if you have to pause,
and ask yourself,
’is this really worth it?’
sweetie, it probably isn’t.

one.
bad things are going to end up happening to you.
in this life you're gonna get hurt a lot.
you just have to learn how to roll with the punches
because if you don't, it's going to eat away at you
until there's nothing left

FKLLAKFMLKFKMLSAFMCXZZCXNXCKJKDJFLSJ
LKJADJKRKEADFNZMZXIO
EAROIEROIUAFUCKYOUSKLJFSAKJFDKJZD
NVXCZVXZKJSAFHHOEA
ROHEHFELHKFDFJKFASKJ KLJEKSDYTSTVN phew.

Labels: miscellaneous, stuff

The opposite of love is not hate. It's apathy. It's not giving a damn.

av·a·rice
–noun
1. excessive or insatiable desire or greed;

She's got everything that i have to live without.
she's damn perfect. but she's greedy.
yeah, she's already got everything i don't.
she wants you all to herself.
& she gets to rub it in. everyday.
she doesnt know how to share
she's freaking intimidating >_>
& i'm so damn scared of her..
stupid bitch.
..

gah. i thought i was ok with this..
its supposed to get easier.. but it just keeps getting harder.. (ignore how wrong that sounds :L). hmmm.. it just keeps hurting more and more. though i guess i got better at not letting it show that i actually give a damn.. i do though, thats the problem. and no matter how hard i try, no matter how many times i tell myself i dont.. i do.
it damn freaking kills.
seeing him with her.
all
the
time.
wow. if you dont know who i'm talking about.. hmm.. its kinda pretty obvious isn't it.. =/


five.
I get the point that I should leave you alone,
But we both know I’m not that strong..
(hah, it kinda contradicts one down there :L)

four.
I wondered if today would be the day
I’d finally be good enough, but I guess
if I have to ask myself that question,
I already know the answer..

three.
after a while, you learn that you don't need
anyone else in order to survive.
no one is ever going to always be there,
no matter what they say, or what they promise you.
you just gotta suck it up, and accept it.

two.
i'm not going to stress over you anymore.
it's not worth it, i tried to work it out, but you ignored it.
i'm not trying to say i don't want you, cause i do.
all i'm saying is i'm done chasing after you.

one.

A best friend is someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop. Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world. Someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Someone that knows what you're saying when you don't say a word. Someone you can look to in a certain way and they know exactly what you're thinking. Someone you find hardest to say goodbye to. Someone who knows all about you and loves you anyway. Someone who would help you through thick and thin. The first person you go to when you need someone to talk to. Someone you'll call to talk about nothing, or the most important things in your life. They're the shoulder you cry on because you know that they really care about you. Someone you would take a bullet for because it would be too painful to watch them get hurt. Someone that will risk their friendship with you, just to make sure you’re safe and okay. Someone you can always be around and never get sick of.

you know who youse are :)

and just to finish this thing off..
"How can I put this so that you'll believe me?
You're not asleep, you're not dead.
I'm here and I love you. I have always loved you,
and I will always love you. I was thinking of you,
seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away.
When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the
very blackest kind of blasphemy."
- New Moon ; Stephenie Meyer

ngaw. Edward Cullen (L)

dangggggg. overdosed on deep pills D:

Labels: miscellaneous, quotes, stuff

hmmmmm. you know what. im happy. LOL. ionno why.. actually kindaa i do..? its cos. it doesnt like hurt as much now. well it doesnt really at all anymore :) i dont feel the need to mope around, depressing , crying and shit. i know i'm better that. i know i'm stronger than that.. yeahh.
friends. friends friends friends. i can handle that. i can livee with that. its just .. i need you somewhere in my life. i dont think i can live without you .. no, im pretty sure i CAN'T live without you.. it was terrible.. i felt terrible. =/ mm. anyways. this week. hmmm. its been okayyy i guess lol. man.. many things are annoying me right now. well kinda one in particular... yeaaaaaaahh. about no one in particular. some people just need to.. figure themselves out. really. i hate it how someones hurting. and this person knows that. yet they dont change. they say they want no one hurt (..?) but they just go on doing these things.. >_> gah. term 3 is fucked up. oh well! i'm still happy-ish :) ahaha. i needa do pe assignment :S plus study for maths. i'll try get everything done tomorrow. cos.. footy on sunday with amy :D and..others too? haha oh well . fun fun. (Y)

quiz spam:

Q1: Do you like your present school?
A1: yessssss. yes i do :D hurlystone ftw :)

Q2: What do you want the most now?
A2: alot of things. man, i feel like i've answered this same question heaps of times before :L

Q3: Who is the closest person to you in your school?
A3: ehh. It differs from which context you're talking in.. cos like, i have my class friends, who are lovelyy; then theyres group friends; who are also lovely :D and just otherrr friends and yeahh.. i love you all though <3 you people make me happy :)

Q4: Do you hate your friends sometimes?
A4: nahh man. i guess i get annoyed at some of them, SOMETIMES. but mostly nahh. its usually just pmsing LOL. or ionno mood swings where i get all touchy & agitated ..LOL dw thats liek only on some occasions i guess

Q5: Are you afraid of death?
A5: course..

Q6: What is your goal this year?
A6: get good markssssss, be happy no matter whattt, make more friends chyeah (H) & moree.

Q7: Do you believe in love at first sight?
A7: honestly, no. i mean, how can you, just by one glance at someone FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM? i mean you dont even KNOW them. they could be totally different to what you had thought. love @ first sight is just .. like, an obsession; an infatuation.. love is like, LOVEEEEE. its like being in love with someones personality.. and not just how they look like ? gah i dunno man :L

Q8: Do you believe in eternity love?
A8: i guess so

Q9: Do you think boyfriends are a necessity?
A9: psh no. i mean i guess it'd be nice to be with that person that you ..you know like ..? O_O. but its not like i can't survive without it (Y)

Q10: What do you enjoy doing the most?
A10: lots of thingsssss. eating =9, reading 8), sleeping Zzz, being with friendssss! smiless, hugs, LIEK I SAID, LOTS OF THINGS

Q11: Have you ever done anything for your admirer?
A11: uhh psh nfi

Q12: What feeling do you hate most?
A12: i guess, that feeling where you know you could have done something/said something differently, but you didnt and like you look back at it and just realize what you did & how you could've done something better and you feel like an idiot for not doing so..
oh theres also that feeling where.. you see something.. that really shouldnt affect you at all anymore.. but ionno.. it still hurts alot, and yeah. knowing it shouldnt hurt just makes it hurt more. yeah, that feeling.

Q13: Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
A13: i do, yeah.

Q14. Who would you probably spend the rest of your life with?
A14: what kind of question is this? i mean i'm 14 for goooooooooodness sake --" OH WAIT, i know. i'll spend the rest of my life with mr. right :) dunno who that is yet though.

Q15: What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
A15: friends & fam for sure <3. LOL whatta cliche, but hey, its true.

Q16: Do you find life meaningless?
A16: From time to time, if I'm feeling emo LOL. but life is fuuuull of meaning :)

Q17: What do you live for?
A17: life

Q18: Who do you talk most to in school?
A18: uhhh friends? uh no, i talk to complete strangers most in school (Y) JOKES LOL

Q19: What are you listening to now?
A19: stolen - dashboard. what can i say :P its a good song xD plus, i air guitar whenever i listen to it hahah. i blame talent quest! xD

Q20: What material thing do you want most now?
A20: clothessssssssss. or maybe a new phone? my ones annoying the hell out of me right now


---------------------------------------------------------
Are you younger than 29?
- yess

Who was the last person you kissed?
- idk?

Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?
- nahh

Do you like winter?
- nope. too damn colddd!

Have you ever given a random person your number?
- lol no? :L

Would you make a good parent?
- yesssss i love kiddies (in a non-paedo way. well, maybe if you were talking about a certain yr7er then... ;D JOKES! OMG JOKES!)

How many pillows do you sleep with?
- 2

What was the last thing you had to drink?
- waterr

Who was the last person to make you smile?
- alotta people.

What are you doing tomorrow?
- pee assignment & maths study D:

Last four cars you were in?
- idk mate

What was the last thing to make you angry?
- the thing i was talking about before?

Do you have a best friend/s?
- no. sadly, i have no friends. -sniff-

Last four digits of your number?
- 3329

Who was the last person you hugged?
- lucy c and claudiaa when i was cccold in sport sci D: it was very warm. and awkward LOL

What are you doing tonight?
- sleeping

How tall are you?
- not very :L

What do you want to be when you grow up?
- happy :D

What time do you wake up?
- usually 7. saturdays: 10 ish

Do you like peanut butter?
- with jam in a sandwich :9

If you could live in any other country, which one would you pick?
- us of a :) or like hawaii or something :P

What are you looking forward to?
- footy. and ..seeing someone? school?

Can you play guitar?
- a bit

Labels: miscellaneous, quizzy, stuff

catch me - DuSouth/

I'm afraid of love,
there, I said it
to love you with all of me
I do regret it
cos once I let you in
here we go again
& my heart depends,
but what if it ends
is it you I can really trust?

oh no, I can't
I dont wanna hurt again
I trust you, love you
will you really understand?
it's too late to take my heart away
I give in, I give you all of me
falling the way that I am,
so catch me if you can

laying next to you
afraid to sleep
I'm so scared that when I awake,
you won't be here with me
I hold you so tight
that you can't breathe
I smell your hair, rub your feet

I don't wanna love you
but I love you
don't wanna need you
but I need you
don't wanna see you
but I gotta see you
I gotta touch you
I gotta breathe you

oh no, I can't
I dont wanna hurt again
I trust you, love you
will you really understand?
it's too late to take my heart away
I give in, I give you all of me
falling the way that I am,
so catch me if you can

baby I'm ready ,
to let my heart belong to you
you're in control, tell me what to do
just say when & I'm ready
tell me where, its where i'm headed
I quit, this is it
I submit to my heart

oh no, I can't
I dont wanna hurt again
I trust you, love you
will you really understand?
it's too late to take my heart away
I give in, I give you all of me
falling the way that I am
so catch me if you can

..sigh

Labels: lyrics, miscellaneous, stuff

wowsers... feels like i havent blogged in agesss. what can i say ? uh.. how about.. ASSIGNMENTS. D: new layout haha. anyways.. uhmm.. i think i forgot how to blog D: ... i'll ..talk about my week? haha whatever. well.. it was okay? ..i kinda died today after lunch =/ man.. i thought it'd get easier to deal with.. but it just gets harder.. every fucking day. and hurts so much more.. >_> sorry if you dont get it.. if you dont then i guess you're not meant to so sorry matee. haha

so anyways.. heres some thingy i found somewhere i really cant remember :L

Name: mrs zac efron LOL. nina. derhh
Sisters: 2
Brothers: 0
Shoe size: 7-7 and a half
Height: umm.. 150-160 ish? idk :S

Where do you live: on this planet
Favourite drinks: cokee. h2o. mango&orange juice 8)
Favourite breakfast: mm philly on toast + minestrone cup-a-soup :9
Have you ever been on a plane?: lol yeahh
Swam in the ocean: chyeah bro
Fallen asleep at school: yeah like all the time :L
Broken someone’s heart: yeah, i broke yours when i REJECTEDDDD you :)
Fell off your chair: ..maybe
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: nahh. sat by my comp waiting? yeah.
Saved e-mails: chat logs? i used to read some.. now there isnt anything to read =/

What is your room like: tiny
What’s right beside you: remote :L
What is the last thing you ate: some cookie xD

Ever had chicken pox: yeahh. i was like 7 and i missed out on our school water-day :(
Sore throat: derh
Stitches: after running?
Broken nose: nahh

Do you believe in love at first sight: nah
Like picnics: maybe..
Who was/were the last person/people you danced with: umm.. LOL cant remember?
Last made you smile: no one? D:
You last yelled at: dunno

Today did you...
Talk to someone you like: yeah, my friends?
Kissed anyone: nope
Get sick: i AM sick..?
Miss someone: yeah. i miss someone thats right there but ..feels like i dont know them anymore..
Eat: hella yeah

Best feeling in the world: being happy knowing youre okay with everything. i wishh
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: yeah..
What’s under your bed: junk :L
Who do you really hate: who? no one

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: sorta.
Do you have any siblings: yeah
Do you want children: yeah!
Do you smile often: when i'm happy
Do you like your hand-writing: its bearableee
Are your toe nails painted: nope
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: mine :P
What color shirt are you wearing now: greeny
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: watching friends? :)
I can’t wait till: it stops hurting..
When did you cry last: earlier today ? --"
Are you a friendly person: depends if i like you or not yo
Do you have any pets: nopeee
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: i dont know. at home not talking to me, and pretending like i dont exist?
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: uhh i never did..?
Do you sleep with the TV on?: no!
What are you doing right now?: this.
Have you ever crawled through a window?: uhh nope LOL.
Can you handle the truth?: no, not really
Are you too forgiving?: depends..
Are you closer to your mother or father?: both!
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: uhh idk?
How many people can you say you’ve really loved?: none. well. not like THATT loved.
Do you eat healthy?: i try to =/
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: it wasnt said directly to me..?
If you’re having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: friends.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: depends how i'm feeling
Are you confident?: no not really

goodbyee.

Labels: layout, miscellaneous, stuff