"it's okay to want someone you can't have. it's okay to keep friendships when you don't want them, or when you want something more. it's okay to cry when you're hurt, and it's okay to stay mad at someone who hurt you. believe it or not, it's always gonna be okay. that's just how it works. sometimes, things don't always work out the way you want them to and a lot of times, it seems like they never will. but it's okay, that's how life's supposed to be. it's all about learning how to deal with the bumpy parts in the road and waiting 'til they're smooth again. it's all about forgiving and forgetting. it's all about waiting and wishing. that's just how life is."

And so maybe i'm scared, scared because i feel more for you than i think i've ever felt for anyone else before. I'm scared because i know you don't feel the same, and i don't ever want you to find out because then things will be even worse than they are now. I'm scared to lose you, but i'm scared of getting more broken than i am right now. i'm scared. Everytime I want to give up on you, there's always something inside telling me to just give it some time.

I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, than you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.

When I see you together, my heart falls. And it's not because I hate her or because she doesn't deserve you. It's because I've always told you that you deserve the best, and now I'm afraid that you've found it. And the worst part is, I'm crazy about you. It hurts. it hurts not knowing what to do. i sit and wonder all the time, what is so good about you? why do i care so much? what the hell is wrong with me? I'm trying my best to forget about you. Believe me, it's not working out. You've got something about you that makes me want you more. I'm sick to my stomach once again, I keep remembering that I'm just your friend.

There are things we don't want to happen, but have to accept, things we don't want know but have to learn, and people people we don't want to lose but have to let go.

You're like a monkey bar and I held on. It was fun at first just hanging there, feet far off the ground, but then I started to get blisters, and my hands they started to sweat, and I started to slip, but I continued to hold on, adjusting my hands to make them stay, but eventually I figured out that it really was time to let go.

There is a certain point in life where you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything. but it's not giving up, it's realizing you don't need certain people and the crap they bring to your life. i don't know where i'm going to end up, but i know that i'm not going to waste my time figuring that out, or i'll miss where i am now.

It's like a routine. I fall for you on Monday. I like you from Tuesday to Thursday. You make me mad on Friday. I think I'm over you over the weekend. But the second I see you on Monday morning, I fall for you again & again. and i can't take it anymore. thank god for holidays, lol.

I miss the days when boys had cooties and recess was too short. Life was too long & decisions were chose by "eni, mini, miney, moe". Only skinned knees brought tears & boys were yucky. Good bye only meant until tomorrow. When your clothes didn't need to match & the only races issues were who ran faster.

---------------------
oh my god.
i dont know why this is upsetting me so much, but it is. i don't know why, but i keep re-reading it all, over and over and over again. and the more i read it the more angrier i get.. the more i ball up my fists. tighter and tighter and tighter. goddamnit do you think that writing all that was the best thing to do? cause i dunno. maybe i'm just being a bitch but i dont think it was. for some reason it hurt reading that. no matter how many times i read it, it hurt. and it made me feel angry and sad and yeah i'll admit it, jealous. nice work there. nice. maybe you should think about things before you do them. but then again maybe i'm just overreacting. i admit i do that alot.

Labels: stuff

lol new layout :) i changed it cos i probably won't be active blog-wise because of exams coming up in 3 weeks ish. in the holidays i will be busy at super-duper-study-town so i probably won't be blogging. i full made up a study schedule and everything. but somehow i have a feeling i won't end up doing it D: lets hope i do, i really need to do well with yearlies seeing as i absolutely screwed half-yearlies.. so wish me luck with my studies! :(
----------

i can count a thousand times that you made me cry a thousand tears you never cried. now all i have left for you is a thousand goodbyes.
a thousand goodbyes - travis (of nlt)

Je pense que je t'aime.

Okay, so lets clear things up. I'm not sad and i'm really not depressed. I just want something so bad that it hurts. It really hurts; so bad, wanting something I know will never happen. Wanting someone i know will never have. & its slowly killing me, from the inside out.

So this is when we finally learn the real meaning of change. You do the things you used to be against, you befriend the people you used to hate. You'll learn what it's like to have your heart broken, to lose a friend that truly meant something to you, and to feel as if everything is really falling apart. Maybe this is just what growing up is. maybe we should get used to this.

You see these shaking hands, this breaking heart? I'm scared. So what. So what if i'm scared. Maybe its because you mean more to me than anyone else right now. But you shouldn't. You shouldn't mean a thing to me, yet you do. Did you ever realise? Does it even matter anyway? Do you even care? It hurts saying this. It hurts. Because i know the answer to everything i've said is a big fat No. Look what you've done.

Its difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed and passed over. Here I am expecting just a little bit too much from the wounded, but I see through it all and see you. You don’t see me. You don’t see me at all.

I feel like i'm on that one ride at the fairs. The ones that you sit in & they spin you. Those lazy people, that can sit there and take the spinning lightly, let the ride do the work. But then theres people like me that choose to take hold of the wheel in the middle, & spin it harder & harder, faster & faster. They keep going until they're green in the face, so dizzy & exhausted they can't stand. I keep spinning this damn ride, making it harder on myself than I should, But I don't know how to stop. I wish I could just sit back & "go with the flow." But I can't, I just dont know how. I cannot wait til someone or something just grabs me, just grips me up & makes all of it come to a hault. I can just imagine how great that will be. The whole world will still be spinning, but i'll know that I'm standing still, I'll know the ride is over, I'll know I'm alright.

i know i'm not easy to understand. i know i keep a lot inside, and i know i'm not the easiest person to read. but that's okay you know, because even though there's a lot about me you'll never know- there's a lot more of me you can learn to love.

Remember when truth or dare consisted of licking the floor & the only holding hands you did was with your friends? When "getting some" meant stealing from the cookie jar, and boys didn't matter because they had cooties. Yeah, those were the days. I wish boys still had cooties.

All I'd ever wanted was to forget. But even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging. Like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below. A blue shirt, a rhyme with my name. Because that's what happens when you try to run from the past. It doesn't catch up, it overtakes. Blotting out the future, the landscape, even the very sky, until there's no path left except that which leads through it. The only path that can ever get you home

You know I used to spend every day thinking about you and dreaming about you, and every time you walked by I lost myself, do you know what that feels like? You couldn’t possibly know what it feels like to have that person not having the same feelings back.

And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break, one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.

Do you ever get that feeling where you don't wanna talk to anybody? You don't wanna smile and you don't want to fake being happy. But at the same time you don't know exactly what's wrong either. There isn't a way to explain it to someone who doesn't already understand. If you could want anything in the world it would be to be alone. People have stopped being comforting and being alone never was. At least when you're alone no one will constantly ask you what is wrong and there isn't anyone who won't take 'I don't know' for an answer. You feel the way you do just Because. You hope the feeling will pass soon and that you will be able to be yourself again, but until then all you can do is wait. Wait for it to pass.

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is gonna take away all the hurt and all the pain.. Well I've tried that. I've tried hiding my sorrows, and covering the sadness in my smile. and what i've learned is when it hurts this much inside, your heart always has a way of showing it, no matter how many masks you wear.

Labels: layout, miscellaneous, stuff

I'll never be perfect. I'm not talking about just looks or things like that, but in every part of life. I will always be flawed. I'm sure a lot of girls feel that way too. The greatest feeling is knowing that i don't have to be right. I've been ashamed & am still ashamed of things i've felt. Hate. Jealousy. Lust. Fear. Pride. Self consciousness. Pure anger. Pity. Just plain hurt.

- hayley williams (L)

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up & biting us in the ass. & when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial & face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakinn' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?

What's life without problems? If we never had bad days, how would we have good days? If life was perfect, there would be no erasers, or kissing & making up. You just gotta learn to deal with what’s thrown at you & remember that no matter how hard life may seem, there's always someone worse off than you.

There's always gonna be that one thing you wish for but never get, that one mistake you can never take back & most of all that one memory you would do anything for just to have it again.

You get to her. You make her cry late at night. You make her scream at the top of her lungs. You make her second guess everything you say. But she's not about to admit it to you. Her pride is too strong. But really, would it matter anyways?

I'm not that good of a person. I make mistakes. I have regrets. I act alot smarter than i really am. I cry. I laugh way too loud when something isn't really that funny & sometimes the mean things people say about me can really get to me.

I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult, you know, that, that's to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.

I'm always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. My favorite songs can make me cry. I live in the past, in the memories i have with the people i love. I hate thinking about reality & i'm so homesick that it's not even funny. But not homesick in a missing my house kind of way..maybe it's more like heartsick for all the things that i can't get. It's hard for me to define myself..I guess i'm just a cliche -- the girl who cared too much & didn't get anything in return. i don't want to be the heroine in some tragic love story, i just want the one person who has never given me a second thought.

I was stuck. I was in this place, in between my future and my past, and I wasn't sure which one I wanted more. But I guess it was only natural, you know? The funny part is admitting you missed people or things or times long ago, people that made you weak or something. Part of me wants to throw myself into the future and the other part wants me to hurl myself into my past.

breaking down can be a good thing sometimes. you let out all of your sadness and angers go away. once that is all gone all you have left inside you are the good memories. your the only person though that can bring back the bad again but you also are the only person to bring in happiness
so what will you choose to do?

You assume that I'm fine, but you don't know how to read between the lines. I swing from moody and callous to giddy and humorous in zero point one seconds. That's not because I'm easy-going or feeling guilty for being off-hand with you. It's lack of confidence and self-esteem. It's trying to fit in and trying to hide the scars at the same time. Maybe I'm doing a good job, and that's why you don't see.

Because goodbyes are like a roulette wheel: you never know where they're gonna land. First you're spinning then you're standing still, left holding a losing hand. But one day you're gonna find someone and right away know it's true; that all of your seeking's done. It's just part of the passing through. Right there in that moment you'll finally understand.

I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not scared of the dark, I'm scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back.

It was quiet in the car, and it made me think of you. I turned the radio on and my favorite song was playing, and it made me think of you. I turned it off and looked out the window to watch the rain, but it made me think of you. When i count my thoughts, they're all of you; and i'm sick of it.

don't you ever feel like you really need to cry? no, not like shed-a-few-tears cry. i mean cry-till-it-hurts, cry till you gasp for air. cry till you feel like you never need to cry again.

He's right there, yet, i miss him, and I hate that. I hate not being able to not think about him.
I hate that I see his face in my head, hear his words echoing everywhere I go, and feel his absence so keenly when he's gone. How is it I can't just let him go?

So I say a thousand stupid things, and half the time I never mean them but this time I'm serious. I'm never going to talk to you first. So if I mean anything, anything at all to you, then you can talk to me because I give up.

Labels: miscellaneous, stuff

oh, i dont mean yknow, that guy. :L
i'm talking about FRIENDS.
I LOVE YOU ALL :P
lately, a few in particular have been like, awesome :)

-------
MT.
YOU EAT LETTUCE! ahahahs. you're pretty much always there to hear my pointless bitching about cockroach, my 'exploding' and whatnot. we've had some good times in the past - checking out the scenery at mia and biathlon (LOL), smallville guy, volleyball, etc etc and etc. i hope we have manyyyyyy more awesome memories in the future, and i hope that i can get over it (you know what i mean :L)! loooove you my homo bro yo :P

LT.
whether its slapping some sense into me, practicing STOLEN in music :P, or making cheeeesy cracks at me you're always there for me and i love you lots! :) i still remember around the end of last year a text you sent me; "dw, u'll be over it soon :)" lol even though well.. i'm not (damnit! LOL) i really appreciate all the things you tell me, its helped me alot and i'm grateful to have you as a friend. can't wait for camp! ty heaps for everything larry.

AP.
well. you are my venting buddy alot of the time. you talk to me about things and i talk to you about stuff :) thats how it is and i love that! you're so easy to talk to and you're one of the few people that i feel i can talk to , who won't judge, cause pretty much all the time i rant about stupid stupid stuffff. mm (metaphorically speaking bro) you took your shirt off , and now its my turn. i love you ann my man!

AF.
ahahahahah man i love you :'D from laughing at randoms sleeping on the train to stalking victor-look-a-likes to trying on expensive dresses at myer we have so many random funny moments and i love that :) you always cheer me up when i'm down about stuff and i can always bitch to you too :P i loooove you mate!

JL.
hahaha you have the same initials as justice :L. anyways. my maths buddy. we made lists of hot guys and codenames of people and whatnot.you listen to my cockroach raging and join in LOL. you awesome mate. ily

LH.
well.. honestly speaking you've made alot of mistakes and you've hurt alot of people (yeah that includes me =/), but friendships are all about forgiving yeah ? :) so yup yup. you're a comforter. when i'm like dead you're there to hug me and give me a helping hand back up to my feet. thank you for that, i really appreciate all the help you've been to me. honestly thank you, and ily lots.

JX.
HAHA FAG :) you listen to my stupidness and give really lame cheesy but useful advice about stuff and ROOSTERS LOST HAH. and you tease me and you're really wrong sometimes :L and you're just awesome ^^ ty heaps for everything faggot! :D <3,


SOMEONE.
god. its like i hate you so much for what you've made me become; some fool who puts her hopes up only to have them come crashing back down to earth. but then i try to let you go and something keeps me hanging on. its like there's an invisible rope tying me to you. its like i can't live without you, no matter how hard i try. you make me happy, but then again you make me so sad. its like a never-ending circle and i just wanna stop cause this is killing me. please let me let you go. i can't keep doing this, it hurts too much. i can't stand this anymore, i swear if this keeps going on, one day i will just absolutely break down. and if that happens i'm not sure i can be put back together again. i'm hoping for the best, and looking back at all the pain you've put me through, i don't think you're the best for me. so yeah, goodbye?


k done. bye

Labels: bumchums, miscellaneous

SUMMER ( and spring i suppose lol )

- ice coffee
- sneaky sound system
- hayfever ( T_T LOL)
- dresses
- mango anything
- boys like girls - thunder
- singlets
- ice cream
- sun
- boston - augustana
- tan (as in skin tan not tanpham LOL)
- sweat
- tears
- bike riding
- electric fans
- colbie caillat - realize
- shorts & havvies :)
- sunnies
- wii sports; boxing and tennis :P
- swimming
- you =="
- sunburn
- cute tees
- yearlies sigh
- secondhand serenade
- singstar
- yellow, green and blue. not together, seperately lol
- cute dress tops
- edward. LOL
- bebo
- camp
- floral prints and polka dots
- cute boleros (lol everything is cute :)
- HOLIDAYS.
- staying up and sleeping in
- hot guys

hehe :)
in case you didn't know/realise, thats just like random stuff that makes me think of summer :) and stuff i'm looking forward to (and not looking forward to ahem yearlies lol) in summer/spring :D.

byebye. maybe i'll add onto this blog later. maybe :L

Labels: miscellaneous, summer

ahh, good times :)
LOL @ holly & mariel in the 2nd pic :L
next week i shall bring my camera, cos these are from di's phone :D

well. today i -
1. learnt how to say "Where is your little brother? I love your little brother!" in chinese, then proceeded in saying it to mattie. ahahaha his face = priceless. he thinks i'm pedo :')
I'M NOT BTW! haha. that was probably the highlight of my day (Y) LOL.
2. also re-learnt how to say "i am gay" in viet. ahaha. too bad steven didn't understand me T_T damnnnn can't talk viet, only chinese. :)
3. sorta got my mind away from thinking of certain things.. yeah i said sortaaa. D:

highlights of my day-
1. volleyball. as always, was awesome :) we mucked around cos we had a bye cos we came 9th (Y) loool.
2. maccas (before volleyball). double beef & cheeseburger + medium fries! god i'm a fatty LOL :9
3. hugs from kale and tri @ glenfield station :L those are 2 awesomely awesome guys :D (L)

hmm this blogs relatively shorter than usual.
-adds quotes- :D

ONE.
i stare up at the stars,
i wonder just where you are,
you feel a MILLION miles away.

TWO.
The bottom line is that we never
fall for the people we’re supposed to.

THREE.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt. I guess I'm gonna have to cry and let go of some of the things I love to get to the other side. I guess it's gonna break me down, like falling when you're trying to fly. It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye.

FOUR.
And when she breaks down,
of course she'll make a sound.
But you'll never hear her.

FIVE.
the important thing is to enjoy life;
to just be happy...that's all that matters.

SIX.
I know I should probably just let go,
'cause I know that it won't ever work out
and everyone tells me that.
So i'll try to convince myself that it's better off
that way without him.

SEVEN.
You don't know how it feels waking up every morning
knowing the one you love is totally in love with someone
totally wrong for him, yet you just want him to be happy
even though it hurts.

EIGHT.
it's funny how a few words from him
could make me feel a million times better.

NINE.
The sooner you know who you are and what you want,
the less you'll let things upset you.

------

ALRIGHT. you know what?
screw all of those quotes.
fuck you. fuck fuck FUCK YOU.
sooooo up yourself.
wow, so many, good on ya.
dickhead.
god, what is your problem?
and i thought you were alright.
pft. I'm done. DONE. with all this crap.
alright? i'm finished.
what. the. FKJLDGK. ever.
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, STFU DICKSHIT.
AHHHHH MY GOD .
-screaaaaaaaaaaaaams-
goodbye.

Labels: miscellaneous, quotes, schooool, stuff

hmmm. not much to say anymore :L i dunno why.
bear with me.

i don't think i can keep up with how i feel about you anymore.
it's eating away at me and its
killing
me.
ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

------

one.
it's hard to wait around for something
you know will never happen.
it's even harder to stop when
that thing is EVERYTHING
you want.

two.
it's in the simple sound of your voice
that makes me feel like flying

three.
The truth is;
she misses him even though
he was never technically hers.
and really, that's what makes it so unbearable.

four.
i sit and wonder,
just what went wrong?

five.
sometimes all you need is a hug
& someone to tell you
everything is going to be all right,
even if it isn't.

six.
if you can't get through it,
go around it.

seven.
Did you know she hates it
when she goes a whole day
without speaking to you.

eight.
I don't know if i love you, hate you, want you, or need you.
But i do know i hate the feeling i get when i'm not with you.

nine.

Why can't we have what we desire? It seems as though that's the only thing we can't have. My heart doesn't hurt from desolation; my heart hurts from yearning your presence. I'm begging for a miracle tonight, baby; I'm staying up waiting for something that probably won't happen. I wish I had it all. If only you know half the feelings that I keep inside; if only you understood.

ten.
I wanted you to fight for me
I wanted you to say that there was no one you'd rather be with
I wanted you to say that you wanted me
but you don't always get what you want, do you?

eleven.
hate is a strong word,
but so is love. and people throw
that around like its nothing.

twelve.
and sometimes the smallest things
get made into the biggest problems.
and the dumbest things
are what hurt people the most.
and the effects from these things
are what ruins everything.

thirteen.
..So fail. Be bad at things. Be embarrassed. Be afraid. Be vulnerable. Go out on a limb or two or twelve, & you will fall & it'll hurt. But the harder you fall, the farther you will rise. The louder you fail, the clearer your future becomes. Failure is a gift, welcome it. There are people who spend their whole lives wondering how they became the people they became, how certain chances passed them by, why they didn't take the road less traveled. Those people aren't you. You have front row seats to your own transformation, & in transforming yourself, you might even transform the world. & it will be electric, & I promise you it will be terrifying. Embrace that; embrace the new person you're becoming. This is your moment. I promise you, it is now, now, not two minutes from now, not tomorrow, but really now. Own that; know that deep in your bones. & go to sleep every night knowing that, wake up every morning remembering that. & then...keep going.
(:


fourteen.
It's like I'm secretly broken, without the broken feeling.
There's just something in me that I know is misplaced,
but I don't know what it is.

------
ahahaha .

1) What is your name?
john

2) Do you find it annoying when surveys ask for your name?
yes :L

3) What do you plan to buy in the future?
the whole world :P

4) How many pairs of Converse do you own?
3

5) There is a mummy standing behind you. What do you do?
go find brendan fraser. ahahaha LOL :)

6) What do you think of Miley Cyrus?
i don't really like her .. but i love hannah montana (the show)! :D

7) Do you tend to think that you are always right?
yeah, fo sure

8) Top Five Favorite Songs:
umm .. right now; a thousand goodbyes - rl / thunder - blg / droplets - colbie callait & jason reeves / dreaming with a broken heart - john mayer / kiss the rain -yiruma :)

9) What was your favorite toy as a child?
barbieee. OHH and all my stuffed penguin toys. i still love em :)

10) Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding?
umm. probably wedding.. o_o

11) Dinosaurs or Unicorns?
dinosaurs :D unicorns are unoriginal. like, they're horses with a horn, wtff LOL

12) Do you play the Sims 2?
nahh :L

13) The Wii or Xbox 360?
wii!

14) Team Demi/Selena or Team Miley?
team zac efron (L)

15) Do you know many Emily’s?
no lol

16) What do you think of the Jonas Brothers?
they homo. YEAH THATS RIGHT MICHELLE, HOMOOOOO! :)

17) Do you enjoy surveys?
somehow.. :L

18) What do you hear at the moment?
peter wallace LOL. YAY BRONCOS!

19) Why do you think so many people love myspace?
nfi, i don't :L

20) What do you think of people who do illegal drugs?
they cuh-raaazy D:

21) Do you watch the Olympics?
lol yeahhh 8) for the hot guys brilliant athletes.. :)

22) What are your top five favorite stores?
ohhhhhkkk, general pants / valleygirl / myer / cotton on / dotti (loveee the dresses there :)

23) What did you think of Panic at the Disco taking out the exclamation point in their name?
i liked the ! :(

24) Have you ever been to Minnesota?
..no

25) What is the strangest thing you’ve ever seen on TV?
idkk

26) Do you watch infomercials when there is nothing on?
lol sometimes :L

27) Have you ever gone camping?
mia 07 count? ahhh good times :/

28) What is your current job? If you are applying anywhere, where?
being irresistible. its a full time-job (H) i want a job though D: but i cbb LOL. okkkk on the holidays. i swearrr.
------

Labels: miscellaneous, quotes, stuff

ehh. bored. i've been bored all day TT"

------

one.
but you can reason with yourself all day,
and still have butterflies in your stomach.

two.
trust me, i know how it feels.
I know exactly how it feels to cry in the shower,
so no one can hear you, and waiting for everyone
to fall asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to
hurt so bad you just want it all to go away.
I know exactly how it feels.

three.
I'll just bite my lip, and pretend I've gotten over you.

four.
I decided that enough is enough. Since you obviously don't care about me, I'm going to move on. Easier said than done, I suppose; because at the end of the day, I'm still staring out the window with these tears on my cheeks. Just look at what you've done to me.

five.
Well, your eyes are puffy.
Which, from experience, screams textbook crying eyes.
You have your hair up,
Which means you're probably not planning on impressing any boys today.
I'd say you're nursing a hell of a broken heart.
And not the school-girl crush kind.
You're dealing with the real thing.
(One Tree Hill. i don't really like oth, but the quote is good :L)

six.
"Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them."

seven.
i want to let go
and to know,
that i'll be alright..

eight.

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about it, or ignore. It doesn't leave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret. Letting go isn't about winning or losing. It's not about pride, and its not about how you appear, and it's not about obsessing or dwelling on the past. Letting go isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness. It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat. To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and move on. It is having an open mind in confidence for the future. Letting go is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will soon gain. Letting go is having the courage to accept change, and the strength to keep moving. letting go is growing up. it is realizing that the heart can sometimes be the most potent remedy. To let go is to open a door, to clear a path and let yourself free.

nine.
Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.

ten.
a good friend will talk with you about
a boy you’re thinking about, but a best
friend will blurt out "she likes you & wants to bang you!"
right to his face
LOLOL.

eleven.
No matter what happens, life still goes on.
You have to know that. Stop hanging on. Let go & move on.

twelve.
I keep telling myself that it's going to be okay, that we will talk, that we will be friends. I'm not so great at this whole optimism act, cause I'm still crying myself to sleep every night.

thirteen.
I need to come to realize that he's just a guy, a special one, maybe, but he's not mine. I don't need to do things to make him care. If he wanted to, he would.

fourteen.
so hope for the best, prepare for the worst;
expect nothing, and you'll never get hurt.

fifteen.
I believed for awhile, I couldn't make it
without you. But I realized, I will, I'll heal myself.
Everything will always turn out okay.

sixteen.
a hug is the perfect gift. one size fits all.
; so hug me and neeeeever let go :)

------

wowsers. i haven't done one of THESE in a while :D

If something was wrong, who is the first boy you would go to?
err. if it was ..sttuufff related? er.. idk? well i dont really talk to guys about deep personal stuff so yeah.. :L

Who is the first girl you go to?
ann, michelle

If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you?
depends who.

Do you prefer to take showers at night or in the morning?
afternoons :L

Which year has been the best so far?
last year? towards the end of last year <3 :(

Ever found more than a dollar in a random place?
yeah, i found TWO dollars :O LOL

Do you believe that if you want something bad enough you'll get it?
no.

Break someones heart or have your heart broken?
umm idk? i wouldn't say broken, but its been hurt

Are you a morning person or a night person?
night

When was the last time you did the dishes?
this morning TT"

Are you talking to anyone while doing this?
nope

Three feelings at the moment?
confused, hungry (is that a feeling? :L) and confuseddd

What are you scared of?
the dark, being alone

Are you thinking of someone right now?
lol i guess so

What are you looking forward to?
school ..

What did you do the last time you were home alone?
tv (H)

Are you tanned?
chyeah. i'm filo what do you expect :L

Do you get jealous easily?
eh.. i guess so --"

How good is your eyesight?
not really good at all :L

Worst part about hugs?
-thinks- ... i got nothing. LOL. OH. letting go :(

When was the last time something bothered you?
last wednesday :L like not this one last one

What is your current mood?
confusededededed :S

Last person you hung out with?
.. train people? paige, lana, corinne

What sport do you enjoy watching?
nrl and tennis <3

Could you date someone who was gay?
uhh no? wtf? oO"

Whats the last thing someone said to you? who was ?
my dad told me to order chinese :)

What is the last thing you thought about?
stuff.. and ann.. other stuff.. :S

How do you feel about your hair right now?
its gay TT" needa re-straighten, or perm

What do you miss most about the past?
ionno.. the good times :'/

Has anyone told you a secret this week?
lol yeah but not theirs someone elses ;D LOL

Do you get along better with men or women?
chicks before dicks!

Last time you had butterflies in your stomach?
uhh yesterday..

Who was the last person to make you cry?
lol some bitch. :L

Are you jealous of anyone?
yeah i suppose so.

Do you have a best friend?
i have many :)

What is your favorite thing about the opposite sex?
they're funny and they don't bitch and they listen to yours lol xD

- Ever liked someone else’s boyfriend or girlfriend ?
not exactly

- Does heartbreak really feel as bad as it sounds ?
lool how would i know (H)

- Are you happy with your life right now?
ehh its alrightt

- Do you wish you could have changed things?
kinda

-- How many bestfriends do you have?
too many ;D LOL

- Do you trust them?
yeah i do <3 :)

- Do you like anyone right now?
loool you tell me

- Whats one thing you wish you could have?
if i tell you it wont come true :P

- Are any of your friends birthdays this week?
kelvin! today! hbd! LOL

- Do you like people?
erm, yeah?

- Is there someone you wish you could see more?
yeah.

- Do you have all your friends phone numbers memorized?
no i only know aashana's LOL

- Do you have a cellphone?
uh yeah :L

- What always makes you feel better?
chocolateeee

- Name someone you go to when your upset. Do they help you?
umm. michelle? ann? yessssum they do

- Are you a trustworthy person?
i would like to think so :L

Labels: miscellaneous, quizzy, quotes, stuff

ahahaa did sport science media conference today. man my drawing thing on the board was sooo dodgy :L. and i brought cupcakes too xD though, they were just for everyone in general :) cos i love you guys!!
stupid brendan. ate THREE of my cupcakes --" the last one was for MATTIE! bitch! LOL

well. new month, new season, new me .
movie arvo today. well .. eh, it was alright, apart from the fact that where i was sitting (or laying, rather :L) gave me the perfect view to something that i did not want to see.. --" lol ohhhhh well who cares? me.
------------------------------------

one.
You just have to be happy. If you are, everything else will fall into place.

two.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people that's important, it's what they do about it. I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.
I've learned that it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words, it may be the last time you see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that either you control your emotions or they control you.
I've learned that sometimes I just need to be held.
I've learned that i may actually need you.

three.
There's a little truth behind every just kidding.
A little curiosity behind every just wondering.
A little knowledge beholds every I don't know.
And a little emotion behind every I don't care,
A little white lie behind every I'm okay.

four.
Just cause you're single,
doesn't mean you have to be alone. (:

five.
I know it's not realistic.
It's not even practical.
It doesn't make any sense.
But for some reason,
I can't stop thinking about you.

six.
Now that's frustrating, when what your brain
tells you, you want & what you actually want don't
match up. It's exhausting. &, well, it's complicated.
But that's life.
(Grey's Anatomy)

seven.
dear girl,
i think it's time for you to let go of him. he has hurt you and i too much. just let the memories fade, it's time to leave him behind. i know it'll be hard, but it's for the best... trust me. remember: always follow me and everything will be fine.
love always, your heart.
-i like this one.

eight.
She may be young, but she's not naive.
She hasn't been through much,
but she knows what hurt feels like.

nine.
Stay mad as long as you can.
Because once you're not mad anymore,
it hurts. It hurts like hell and once it hurts
that bad, you can't make yourself mad anymore.

ten.
It's time to let you go. It's time to say good-bye.
No more excuses, no more tears to cry.
There have been so many changes. I've been so confused.
All the time I never knew. I want you to be happy.
But it's so hard to let you go now, with all that could have been.
I'll always have the memories.
She'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing
just when you don't want it to. Throw away the chains.
Let it fly away. Till it comes again. I'll be okay.

eleven.
Just because I have to let you go
doesn't mean that I won't think about you every step I take away from you.

twelve.
So here's to loving him while he's loving her.

thirteen.
Now my head is racing worse than before.
My heart is breaking and I'm feeling so torn.
Stuck between letting go and holding on.
Who knew this decision could take so long?

fourteen.
Nothing's changed between you and me.
I guess we're exactly how we're meant to be.
As much as it hurts,
it's okay.
I'm still the way that I've always been,
just another friend.
And you, you're still the one
and you've always been.
But I think I came a little too late,
'cause you have her,
and I can't cheat fate.

fifteen.
I don't know how, I don't know why.
It's just when I think it's over,
my heart puts up a fight.

sixteen.
Sometimes we must get hurt in order to grow.
We must fall in order to know. Sometimes our visions clear
only after our eyes are washed away with tears.

seventeen.
I'm such a sucker for those eyes.
They've got me permanently paralyzed.
You have my heart under attack.
You give me shivers down my back.
Do you have to walk the way you do?
I get weak just watching you.
- .. um yeahh..

eighteen.
No school book will ever teach you how
to love yourself, no teacher will ever tell
you how to heal, and no class can help you
learn how to brush yourself off and try again.
life changes on a daily basis..
every minute every hour.
still, we try to save it.
and she falls down trying.
yeah she falls down crying.
it's hard to grow up in a society where you
will never be the pretty girl. Everyone
seems to have everything you don't. & dreams
are always one cloud away from where you are.

------
sighs.

'cause yeah, i'm stuck here at the crossroads;
caught up between letting you go and holding on.
and i dont know what to do.
the best thing to do would probably be to let you go
but the thing is i honestly don't want to.
its making it harder everyday. to just pretend i don't see
something that is right in front of me, i choose to push all the
pain and the tears; all the thoughts of you to the back of my mind,
lingering, 'cause i really don't ever want to forget about you.
it's driving me crazy.
=/

Labels: miscellaneous, quotes, stuff