this can't keep going on anymore, goodbye.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008 @ 12:50 PM
- hayley williams (L)I'll never be perfect. I'm not talking about just looks or things like that, but in every part of life. I will always be flawed. I'm sure a lot of girls feel that way too. The greatest feeling is knowing that i don't have to be right. I've been ashamed & am still ashamed of things i've felt. Hate. Jealousy. Lust. Fear. Pride. Self consciousness. Pure anger. Pity. Just plain hurt.
Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up & biting us in the ass. & when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired, we are scared, denying it doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial & face the world. Head on, guns blazing. De Nile. It's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakinn' ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it?
What's life without problems? If we never had bad days, how would we have good days? If life was perfect, there would be no erasers, or kissing & making up. You just gotta learn to deal with what’s thrown at you & remember that no matter how hard life may seem, there's always someone worse off than you.
There's always gonna be that one thing you wish for but never get, that one mistake you can never take back & most of all that one memory you would do anything for just to have it again.
You get to her. You make her cry late at night. You make her scream at the top of her lungs. You make her second guess everything you say. But she's not about to admit it to you. Her pride is too strong. But really, would it matter anyways?
I'm not that good of a person. I make mistakes. I have regrets. I act alot smarter than i really am. I cry. I laugh way too loud when something isn't really that funny & sometimes the mean things people say about me can really get to me.
I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult, you know, that, that's to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens.
I'm always a mess. I can never keep my own secrets. I laugh too hard at stupid things. My favorite songs can make me cry. I live in the past, in the memories i have with the people i love. I hate thinking about reality & i'm so homesick that it's not even funny. But not homesick in a missing my house kind of way..maybe it's more like heartsick for all the things that i can't get. It's hard for me to define myself..I guess i'm just a cliche -- the girl who cared too much & didn't get anything in return. i don't want to be the heroine in some tragic love story, i just want the one person who has never given me a second thought.
I was stuck. I was in this place, in between my future and my past, and I wasn't sure which one I wanted more. But I guess it was only natural, you know? The funny part is admitting you missed people or things or times long ago, people that made you weak or something. Part of me wants to throw myself into the future and the other part wants me to hurl myself into my past.
breaking down can be a good thing sometimes. you let out all of your sadness and angers go away. once that is all gone all you have left inside you are the good memories. your the only person though that can bring back the bad again but you also are the only person to bring in happiness
so what will you choose to do?
You assume that I'm fine, but you don't know how to read between the lines. I swing from moody and callous to giddy and humorous in zero point one seconds. That's not because I'm easy-going or feeling guilty for being off-hand with you. It's lack of confidence and self-esteem. It's trying to fit in and trying to hide the scars at the same time. Maybe I'm doing a good job, and that's why you don't see.
Because goodbyes are like a roulette wheel: you never know where they're gonna land. First you're spinning then you're standing still, left holding a losing hand. But one day you're gonna find someone and right away know it's true; that all of your seeking's done. It's just part of the passing through. Right there in that moment you'll finally understand.
I'm not afraid of heights, I'm afraid of falling. I'm not scared of the dark, I'm scared of what's in it. I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid of not being loved back.
It was quiet in the car, and it made me think of you. I turned the radio on and my favorite song was playing, and it made me think of you. I turned it off and looked out the window to watch the rain, but it made me think of you. When i count my thoughts, they're all of you; and i'm sick of it.
don't you ever feel like you really need to cry? no, not like shed-a-few-tears cry. i mean cry-till-it-hurts, cry till you gasp for air. cry till you feel like you never need to cry again.
He's right there, yet, i miss him, and I hate that. I hate not being able to not think about him.
I hate that I see his face in my head, hear his words echoing everywhere I go, and feel his absence so keenly when he's gone. How is it I can't just let him go?
So I say a thousand stupid things, and half the time I never mean them but this time I'm serious. I'm never going to talk to you first. So if I mean anything, anything at all to you, then you can talk to me because I give up.
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