And I've thrown my words all around, but I can't, I can't give you a reason. Feel so broken up, and I give up. I just want to tell you so you know - here I go.

Begging you, pleaaase, stop where you are right now. You need to figure out what it is that you want before you go on with your life. Go, sort out your priorities. Now. You can't keep living your life like this, leading her on, letting her down, making her try, making her cry; it's just not right. It's not fair on her. Give her a damn break. Because you know what? It must hurt like hell for her. And you know what else, yeah, you're putting me in agony right now too, and yeah maybe I'm overreacting, maybe you don't mean to do it, maybe I'm over-thinking things, over-analyzing but well I'm sorry that's just the way I am. You, just, don't, treat, me, like, I'm, your, friend. Isn't that what we are? Tell me please, if we are something other than that, because I'm pretty sure we're FRIENDS. You do the same thing to me! You brush me off, pull me in, push me away, you make me laugh but then you make me feel like crap. Do you even know what you're doing? I guess not, maybe if you did you'd see how much it hurts for me. Stop doing what you're doing. Think about her, think about me, just think about yourself and if this is the person you want to be. Because if it is well, then maybe I just don't want you in my life. If this is how you're gonna continue to act.

As much as you might think that I am, I'm not mad at you. None of this is your fault, I don't get upset because of you; I'm not angry at all. It's not because of you, you're just sort of an example, if that makes sense. I love and respect you, and well in all honesty I'm jealous. Because you are so strong, you don't let anyone get to you and you would never ever break down in front of or even because of him. Me on the other hand I am weak, insecure, unstable and stupid. I get upset over the silliest things and it doesn't do anyone any good at all. I want to be more like you, I want to be strong and beautiful; just like you are.

Look I know you're hurting and I know that it looks bad but I can tell you in all truth that there is absolutely nothing going on. I'm pretty sure there never was and, I'm quite certain there never will be. I can accept the things you say about me, but you need to see it from my point of view. You're only thinking of your own pain right now, and I'm sorry if this comes out selfish and insensitive but the world does not revolve around the pain he put you through. I am going through hell too, you have no idea. I am not living the 'perfect life', I don't have it all good; much to your belief. You have him - you've always had him, and I'm pretty sure you always will. You have someone, and that's just so much more than I ever had or will have. You have no idea how alone I feel; how sad, hurt, forgotten and just plain unsure I feel all the time. You don't see the imperfections and insecurities that I am drowned in. Please stop saying I have it good, truth is it's so far from that. I'm sorry if my presence complicated things between you two, and I hope it all works out for you.

Seasons changed, time passed, I moved on with my life but but well a part of me will always love you, not in that way mind you, just, I will always care for you and I want you to know that. I miss you lots and lots but it's okay, it's alright because I understand why you have been keeping your distance. Why you haven't tried like I have, I get it, don't worry if you think I'm hurting. I am, a lot, but it's not your fault and I'm not angry or bitter about it (anymore, sorry). I'm just a bit sad, I miss you a lot and well, the sadness won't really go away because we will never be what we once were. I just learnt to live with it, brush it off, cover it up and live my life as if nothing were wrong. You meant the world to me and I know that wasn't smart. I know I was in the wrong and I got what was coming. I just wish it hadn't hit me so hard, because well I broke. And I said some things, so many things that I regret now. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you. I miss you, I love you (bffl lol sigh), and I really hope one day we can be like how we used to be. Take care dear, and I hope you and her are happy!

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